i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
well most of my day revolves around power hour
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
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