you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
