Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
Randomize
