Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
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