I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
