I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
Randomize
