So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
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