the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
