I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
Randomize
