have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
Randomize
