I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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