Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
Randomize
