The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
Church boner. Awkwardddd
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
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