I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
Randomize
