I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
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