I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize
