Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
Randomize
