There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
He's a Shit stain on my heart
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
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