I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
Randomize
