And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
Randomize
