I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
I cockslap morals
After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
Randomize
