she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
Randomize
