You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
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