Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
Randomize
