Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
You were trust falling into bushes
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
Randomize
