you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
Randomize
