dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Randomize
