I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
just survived the first fart of the relationship.
so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
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