I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
Someone stole a lamp last night.
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
Randomize
