You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
Randomize
