This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
