i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
Randomize
