taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
