What a fucking waste of an outfit
There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize
