So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
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