Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
