You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
Randomize
