Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
Randomize
