I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
Randomize
