tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
Randomize
