WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
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