and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
Randomize
