i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
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