If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
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