I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize
