I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
Randomize
