They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
Randomize
