Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
Randomize
