pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
Randomize
