And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
Randomize
