checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
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