i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
Randomize
