420 ftw
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
Randomize
