My nipple is on Facebook.
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
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