Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
Randomize
